Herman Cain vs Prominent Muslims Series: Herman Cain vs Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

Herman Cain battles prominent Muslim Kareem Abdul-Jabbar as we return to CFAAP’s most popular series!

We’re still working through the backlog, and next up is a return to the once oh-so-promising series: “Herman Cain vs. Prominent Muslims.”

In case you missed the first…

HC v. Muhammad Ali.

Sadly, due to the unforeseen and semi-impractical lawsuit that has slowed the rocket-like take off of this blog, the “Herman Cain vs. Prominent Muslims” series may be left in the end an unfinished work (unless Herman Cain can beat off Chris Christie and Paul Ryan for the 2016 nomination — unlikely because Herman left things a bit of a mess + the majority of RNC members are contractually incapable of beating off anyone or anything.)

In closing:

Herman,

The day your ended your candidacy for President of the United States, my world got a little blacker.

I think I speak for everyone short of Sharon Bialek when I say that I miss you.

I miss you a lot.

To the only guy in the history of American politics to quote Pokemon with a reverence usually reserved for MLK’s “I Have a Dream” speech…

Godspeed Herman Cain.

Wherever you are, whoever you're in... Godspeed.

By Ryan + Aron, for the CenterforAmericanProgressIllustrated.com.

Jon Huntsman 2012: The Conservative Liberal who is also Mormon

Liberal Conservative Mormon Jon Huntsman dropped out of the 2012 race months ago, but that doesn’t mean we can’t celebrate his candidacy.

For moderate Californians (once again ignored by the Republican establishment!), I think the greatest regret of the 2012 primaries has to be the ease with which Jon Huntsman was dismissed. How little we got to know him…

Lament this, for there was more to Jon Huntsman than his relatively moderate take on the issues (a moderate take perhaps overstated, as his tax plan was as “ambitious” as any).

Rather, there was more to Jon Huntsman in that it seems the ex-governor of Utah was also, quite publicly, nice. From the outside, it even appeared as though he aimed to treat the political forum with some degree of reverence and professionalism.

Obviously the public was hungry for that, and had “margin for error” not been in the race he might have finished higher in the polls.

Regardless, though this literature was meant to be posted months ago (again, the lawsuit) …let’s get to know Jon Huntsman anyway.

When 2016 rolls around…at least we’ll have something with which to commemorate his run in 2012.

By Ryan + Aron, for CenterforAmericanProgressIllustrated.com.

Rick Perry 2012: Governor’s Campaign Posters have finally arrived!

Rick Perry's 2012 campaign posters are finally in stock!

Governor Rick Perry may have suspended his campaign in January, but I’m hoping I can still sell a few of these to the wayward Texans who have been as of yet unable to procure the right bumper sticker.

Now, full disclosure: I wanted to write something insightful here, but I haven’t followed Rick Perry since January. I tried to do a little research and the best I could find was that during the early debates, RP might have acted inappropriately (no homo) toward a rival campaign manager in a men’s room.

I guess that's funny and interesting.

In researching his Twitter feed, I was able to discern that he is both working toward rehabilitating his image by posing with adorable animals and married to a high school football team.

It’s been working on both accounts (Rick’s now at 138,000 followers + it's legal to marry a football in Texas) and the dog’s since been shot. (For sport — not because it was black.)

...

To the reader: I really don’t want this to be an exclusively liberal blog politically…but I also want to maintain the right to call out those that I think are disingenuous and thereby make myself feel ingenuous.

So let’s close with this…

It’s possible Rick Perry is less of an idiot and more of an antiquated relic of old America. Which, granted, looks like an idiot when set in present day America, but hey, what can you do…

Okay, I'm off to drive my Prius. Conservative readers: I’ll draw more sports pictures soon.

Signed,

Ryan M. Braun, Professor of Political Science at the CenterforAmericanProgressIllustrated.

ps- If you wish to follow Rick Perry on Twitter, here is his account.

Bane Capital: The Dark Knight Rises supports Mitt Romney

Bane, Bain Capital, and The Dark Knight Rises’ Mitt Romney problem…

The most notable member of the world’s leading private, alternative asset management firm has an image problem, and I’d suggest to his campaign that it’s all about perception.

Mitt Romney worked for a Bain enterprise that dissembled vulnerable companies for profit, but he also worked for a Bain enterprise whose timely investments saved Dominos, Dunkin’ Donuts and the Burlington Coat Factory — the latter of which supplied Bane’s wardrobe in The Dark Knight Rises, thereby scoring Mitt a massive political boon in the form of a role in the upcoming blockbuster (“Sinister Accountant” for The League of Shadows).

In short, informed advisor that I am, my advice to Mitt Romney would be as follows…

Mitt —

Make yourself more than just a man by devoting yourself to an ideal.

Because then… you become something else entirely.

A legend, Mr. Romney.

A legend.

(Feel free to use that in your campaign.)

By Ryan, for CenterforAmericanProgressIllustrated.com.

Rick Santorum on Abortion and the Gay Fetus Conundrum:

Gay abortion Rick Santorum’s gateway drug?

My thoughts on Rick Santorum are many, and I hope that espousing a few of them won’t permanently destroy my standing in Ohio.

I am not a hater.

Clearly, Rick Santorum is a man of conviction (although, semi-amazingly, he was at one time pro-choice), and clearly, Rick Santorum is a man whose convictions seem to stem from both the Bible and the Constitution.

Which — the latter intersection of philosophies — presents an interesting conundrum:

Which book is more important to Rick Santorum?

More specifically, which writing/value-set should be considered more important when evaluating the character of a presidential candidate?

Let me throw a hypothetical at you…

If a mythical being (obv. not God) offered Santorum the opportunity to fix the American economy once and for all by having a night full of anal sex, would he be morally incapable of accepting?

If we’re being honest, I think a serious candidate would have to accept.

And that’s the question I’d ask Rick Santorum if I had the platform.

That's the question I'd ask any of the candidates.

If presented with the chance to restore American greatness — however that might look to you — via the relatively simple formality of, let’s say, 20-minutes of anal sex with another man (who of course would be gentle, attentive and understanding of your situation)…would you do it, Mr. Santorum/anonymous-other-candidate?

…

And if the answer I got back was that the perceived word of God comes before a chance to help the country…then that’s probably why the perceived word of God should never influence the in-need-of-help-country’s policies.

Right?

I think so.

Okay, that’s it for the Santorum post.

And so ends the first cogent blend of economic principle and sodomy.

Sincerely,

A half-Jew

By Ryan + Aron, for the Center for American Progress Illustrated.

Funny Plates: Jewno MacGuff

It's our seventh "Funny Plate," celebrating the sassiness of Jewno MacGuff. She's a lot like Juno MacGuff, except her Michael Cera is a doctor.

By Ryan, for CreativelyDisposingofPlates.com.

Herman Cain vs Prominent Muslims Series: Herman Cain vs Muhammad Ali

Herman Cain fights prominent Muslim Muhammad Ali in part one of our new series!

Today, I’m releasing the first of a series of works entitled, “The Herman Cain vs. Prominent Muslims series.” Essentially, it’s pictures of Herman Cain vs. prominent Muslims.


Our good friend Herman has been campaigning on a series of potentially panderous issues, perhaps the most notable of those being a healthy skepticism of Muslims in general.

Yeesh. (That’s Muslim for, “in poor taste.”)

Now, do I think Herman Cain actually believes that all Muslims are trying to kill us, with “us” presumably meaning all American, non-Muslim people?

No. I think he’s a reasonably smart guy with a work ethic to be admired (the man’s done a lot in his life) and has simply caught wind of how to play the game (that being, find out the issues most fervently installed in your potential base and proceed to hammer them into the ground with no regard for nuance and/or the ground—because, of the ground, hammer it hard enough and natural gas comes out!). He’s pandering, and because he has no real record in government, he’s kind of free to pander unchecked. There’s little to call him on, save for the occasional factually inaccuracy.

Anyway, I hope these pictures are silly, irreverent and enjoyable. I hope Herman Cain sees them, likes them, and maybe decides to throw in a qualifier or two when talking about religion. I’m not even religious, I just like qualifiers.

A few more thoughts in closing:

- There will be more HCVPM pictures upcoming.

- I think Herman Cain is adorable. I mean, the name “Herman” is adorable in and of itself, but on top of that he’s old, round, and has a history of making pizza. If Toys-R-Us sold a Herman Cain teddy bear, I would have it in my room.

- Despite winning the Florida straw poll last weekend, Herman Cain is polling nationally at just 5% (though depending on voter turnout, that may be enough to win).

- In Herman’s defense, I’m 99% sure the guy at my local 7-11 is a terrorist. His hot dogs are killing me. Ba da ksh! Okay, now I’m leaving.

Ah, no I'm not! One more note/addendum—Found this on abcnews.com:

Republican Herman Cain is apologizing to Muslim leaders for vitriolic remarks he made about Islam while campaigning for the presidential nomination.

The former Godfather's Pizza CEO has said communities have a right to ban Islamic mosques because Muslims are trying to inject sharia law into the U.S. He's also said he would not want a Muslim bent on killing Americans in his administration.

On Wednesday, Cain met with four Muslim leaders in Sterling, Va. He said in a statement later he was "truly sorry" for comments that may have "betrayed" his commitment to the Constitution and the religious freedom it guarantees.

He also acknowledged that Muslims, "like all Americans," have the right to practice freely their faith and that most Muslim Americans are peaceful and patriotic.

Okay, two(ish) more things:

1. Go Herman. That’s big of you.

2. There’s a really funny sentence in that blurb above. “[Cain's] also said he would not want a Muslim bent on killing Americans in his administration.” Bold stance.

3. Let’s end on a positive. Go Herman.

By Ryan + Aron, for CenterforAmericanProgressIllustrated.com. (Which, currently, is just a part of this site...but hey, click on the link anyway!)

Funny Plates: Buddhist Plates believe in Recycling

Our second "Funny Plate," the Buddist Recycler Plate.

It's funny because Buddhists believe in reincarnation. (I Wikipedia'ed that to make sure.)

By Ryan, for, again, CreativelyDisposingOfPlates.com. (Which isn't really a website.)

CFAAP: God Hates Cleveland...

God Hates Cleveland...

I think there's one thing you may need to know re: this cartoon, and it's that the following is the city of Cleveland seal:

We've made a huge mistake...

By Ryan, for Cavs: the Blog.